A friend of mine upon hearing that I do practice meditation started laughing at me and said," I don't believe you adopting an old-fashioned path. Meditation is meant for age old people and monks. She said your approach has been changed instead of I shall see how its not happening for me to it shall happen at proper time. Get up girl and do something its nothing but procrastination." she said.
First of all I thanked her in my mind, if she could sense my approach has been changed in this direction I am happy as i wanted it to be like this. I didn't say a word to her and left but today while meditating I felt the need to pen down what meditation is all about for me?
Whatever little I have learned from my mentor shubhada, I feel meditation is meeting my real self. She taught me techniques of quieting mind and during many interaction with her I perceived meditation is being in present moment. Its observing every detail of what u do in day to day life. Its a beautiful conversation with oneself. Its understanding the beauty and power within onself.
My meditation practice is an infant yet but I have already started witnessing shifts in my being. I had a beautiful and perfect plan for my life: to conceive a year after my marriage, to enjoy pregnancy, have child and thereafter again start with career. I had planned every bit of it. I felt I had answers for all how's then. But I have not yet conceived. Its been 5 years to my marriage, it wasn't just happening and when happened I had miscarriage, I was frustrated and in devastated state of mind.
I learnt that I had rather had no control over my life. I was full with negative and destructive thoughts. I was not able to find any way out, suddenly all my girls in gang were either pregnant or delivering babies. Despite of everything something inside me was pushing me to find peace. I was in pain when I attended shubhada's meditation workshop and after workshop I could feel little lightness in my heart. In search of peace I started practicing meditation. I tried meditating with you tube videos, siting on particular place with closed eyes, tried to follow Gabrielle's videos as well. I realized that meditation was offering me inner peace and balance. I started loving it as those 30 minutes of my morning ritual indeed support me to start a day a fresh without having yesterday's burden.
My meditation practice was helping me knowing myself and it made me learn how far I had come from my own being. I learnt observing trees and birds sitting in balcony or even folding cloths with full attention gave same result of 30 minutes meditation with close eyes. I started realizing that when i am not controlling anything things have started flowing again.
Yes, my attitude has changed and I have started trusting that, I shall be pregnant soon while handling my career responsibilities. My approach towards life has changed as I know things would fall in place at divine time. This approach always generates soothing feeling which indeed require in every walk of life.
So far my conception is concerned, I realized that, I was expecting a new life when I was lifeless, choked and was trapped in situation. When I started praying in meditation that I wanted to come out of this emotional trap and started asking question How to make my life flow again to create baby, I started getting answers. I met charuta and shubhada in person who encouraged me to take up opportunities rather than postponing them till conception. these ladies full of life and energy taught me a magic of gratitude they made be believe that life shall flow rhythmically if i believe my intuitions. Ashwini since few days kept posting on group weisp? I never understood it was sign for me till I saw my whatsapp window of Urja group in meditation with this post. Ashwini offered me a key with the question what else is possible? this question is changing something around what is not known to me, yet I could feel it.
I have now started doing everything which gives happiness to me and creates positive energy around. I now have courage to accept things the way they are and have faith that I shall conceive soon as there is life in my breath ones again.
This practice is certainly not old-fashioned one neither its meant for monks but its for u, me and all who chose to lead content life. Now I am learning to be in question mode and It shall help me too.
What else is possible?
What else is possible?
